Life and its Passing

It’s probably one of the 6-week periods in my life that wasn’t supposed to have much happening but in actual fact my world has changed in the last 6 weeks 🙂

There’s just this huge new level of responsibility now. Life’s no longer about landmarks that are set out for me, like looking forward to the next year of school, to the next big exam to get stressed over, to the next chinese new year for extra pocket money. I have to set my own targets now.

I’ve got a job 🙂 I’ve successfully graduated 🙂

So now it’s about life’s goals. not the little tiny marks that matter any more.  Responsibility for my own life, for family issues, for friends.

First up. Gotta sort out myself before I sort anything else out. Getting my finances in check. Discipline in my life. No lazing on the bed using laptop any more. Games out of the window. QT regularly (= every day!).

I’m finding it hard to think both in details (rigid) and by the broad picture (relaxed). Life’s about balance aint it.

actually there’s nothing after the first up 😛 I’ll just have to be more careful how I use my time. The next goal would probably be eternity. And the intermediate stage would be family. can’t think of anything else atm 🙂

Thoughts over the weekend

Was für ein Wochenende!

Friday was the fundraising dinner for the Philippines trip, Saturday was D&J’s wedding. By Saturday night i was really pooped.

And then came the news of Auntie H’s passing on Sun. Which coincided with Easter Sunday, and that really gave me mixed feelings. She had been suffering a lot from the cancer for the last 2 weeks, and her death on Sun was a reminder of the hope that we have after we have moved on from this world.

Still had W&J’s wedding on Sun night to attend, the mission trip gathering on Mon night, my FYP presentations to prepare for on Tue and Wed. It was a time of trusting God, learning lessons from Him and enjoying the blessings that He provided me along the way. Like the reminder of being available to Him, which is more important than talent or abilities that we can use. Or that God’s power is perfected in our weaknesses, and how the FYP presentations went really reflected my nothingness without Christ in me.

In between there were the unassuming highlights of meeting up with JoshT on sat morning, having 2 really good conversations with my father on life issues. And to learn to talk less and listen more. And the realisation of the fleetingness of life and reflection on how to live my life.

I’m really thankful I’ve not had time to dwell on the weight of all the events of the past week, but at the same time sad that i’ve not used my time well enough, when i could have had time to reflection on the gravity of many issues that have come up.

If you read this, do call me and talk, I might not be able to share all that has happened with you, but it’ll help me, and i’d appreciate that 🙂

Guys and Girls

Haha in a very interesting conversation with some friends today, a girl friend said that guys seem to be able to bond with each other so easily, while girls need time to get comfortable with each other, then some more time having deep conversations and time in order to really bond.

And i thought, hey i always thought it was the girls that could get along so easily!

I have a few thoughts on why people always think that the other gender has it easy. I guess it’s something to do with us knowing our self and our own kind better. And what level we believe “bonding” is reached.

Ah but i’m too tired to write now. tough day, maybe due to one incident but it’s enough to make me a bit tired. D:

ouch.

the challenge is uphill. life will go on, and it will always be a tough road to travel on. i’ve chosen the straight and narrow path, and will try my best to stay on it.
fyp has been difficult, results can’t come fast enough with only 2 weeks left and i still have to get 5 more stages done. thesis writing is slow too, with only 11 pages completed. but at least it is moving, and somehow, someway, i have to start my booster engines and keep going.
with an interview this wednesday, and bali waiting next weekend, it’s going to be a lot of excitement this week too. pull my socks as high as i can and keep going!

Burst Bubble

A bubble burst today. It was only going to happen sooner or later, and a moment of carelessness caused it to happen.

Well not exactly a moment, it probably built up over a few days of overconfidence and selfdependence.

Time to recommit and try again. It’s not easy to blow bubbles is it. 🙂

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Herbst

Die Blätter fallen, fallen wie von weit,
als welkten in den Himmeln ferne Gärten;
sie fallen mit verneinender Gebärde.

Und in den Nächten fällt die schwere Erde
aus allen Sternen in die Einsamkeit.

Wir alle fallen. Diese Hand da fällt.
Und sieh dir andre and: Es ist in allen.

Und doch ist Einer, welcher dieses Fallen
unendlich sanft in seinen Händen hält.

Rainer Rilke, 1902

Oh by the way

HAPPY S33 DAY! 😀

Blogging makes me Depressed!

well i blog in spurts, and was just looking at some of these spurts. It seems very often i start with happy blogs, then they get dull, boring, angsty, frustrating, complaining, depressing. And i see the trend for my spurt this year too! So I’ll try to make it sound better for once!

I’ve had a lot of time to myself over the past week, even went to the park to just sit down and consider stuff for myself. And it’s been good! There’s more peace in my life now. Although I’m still jobless I’m not too worried about the future. The worst thing that can happen is I go unemployed for the rest of my life and die of hunger. The best thing that can happen is I find a great job, a wonderful girl and live happily ever after. The likely thing to happen is somewhere in between 🙂 duh.

Haha but yeah. School can be difficult with less motivation to study for grades, but at the same time it can be a real joy, getting to know people, discussing deep life questions, just enjoying the company of good friends. The worry is still there but if worrying only takes up part of my life and I let the time flit away, then why should I worry? 😀

So I’ll make the best of my last 2 months in school, I promise. Study responsibly yes, Do my FYP on time yes. But really take the time to appreciate nature, to appreciate friends, to appreciate LIFE. grow stronger in God’s word, know His direction for my life and enjoy the time!

Haha this all sounds weird i know. but i’m sure a positive outlook on life will change me drastically. it cannot be superficial cos then one day it will break and i’ll be in pieces, so i’ll keep working on it!

Week Idunnowhat: random rambles

(why is there a peak in my page stats on 14 feb.)

anyway, the midterm break has hardly been a break. as usual, more effort towards catching up on work (in this sem fyp), with friends and realigning direction in life. i’m still coming to terms with what my 2nd priority in life should be now. complete the race called Study with good grades, or focus on getting a job instead? further studies, here or overseas? research assistant? teaching?

I don’t worry about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don’t borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey
I don’t worry o’er my future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I’ll walk beside Him
For He knows what lies ahead

I don’t know about tomorrow
It may bring me poverty
But the one who feeds the sparrow
Is the one who stands by me
And the path that be my portion
May be through the flame or flood
But His presence goes before me
And I’m covered with His blood

Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand ^^

may this be true for me.